I’m at a point in my life where I feel like I’m at a crossroad. I’m staring out at the fork in the road, trying to decide which path to take, whilst also feeling my past pulling at me. No matter how hard I try to run or cover up the past, it is never far from my mind. Is it really this hard to let go? No matter how much self-love/self-destruction/self-distraction I practice I am still pulled back to the past and still as affected by it as I was when it all happened. Does this mean that it is important and I shouldn’t try so hard to run away from it all? Can something so damaging and destructive still be meant for you? I look to the future and I won’t lie, I am totally running away from my problems. And they say you shouldn’t but I’ve stayed and faced them and you know what… I put on the mask and pretend I’m totally okay (and I am much better than I used to be for sure) but underneath I am still hurting. So what do you do when you face your past and you still cannot win the battle with yourself? I’m not sure, but I’m facing this crossroad and thinking that I can no longer torture myself with the hope that something magically changes. I must be the change. So what will I do? Which path do I take? I’ve turned my back on the past, so who do I want to be? I’ve got four months to decided where I will be this time next year and I am completely unsure of where that will be. All I know is that I’m still chasing the feeling I had with you. I hope I find it again, if not in another soul, then in a place or an experience. The never-ending search for love, completion, belonging.